


Overcome or Bad Outcome

by Fellow_Human_Being



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Fear of Help, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Langst, References to Depression, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 05:17:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15678795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fellow_Human_Being/pseuds/Fellow_Human_Being
Summary: Lance grew up with many fears.There’s his fear of the dark, spiders, snakes, and etc. And while all his fears are understandable and bearable, his fear of asking for help really makes life hard on him. What can he say, the fear of asking for help just perfectly connects to his fears of rejection and looking pathetic.





	Overcome or Bad Outcome

Lance grew up with many fears.There’s his fear of the dark, spiders, snakes, and etc. And while all his fears are understandable and bearable, his fear of asking for help really makes life hard on him. What can he say, the fear of asking for help just perfectly connects to his fears of rejection and looking pathetic.

At age 12, Lance never once asked help on homework or school related tasks. Instead of asking for extra help from his teachers and parents, Lance would simply not do and get in trouble or deal with spending all night crying as he forced himself to understand. 

At age 17, Lance became a toxic person to himself. By thinking he was simply a burden, Lance could never delude himself with the thought of voicing out the dark thoughts that run in his head. Only when his Mama found him in middle of a breakdown did he got that followed after.

Well, half of the help. Just taking pills and hoping it to help you isn’t considered as treating things, well not in this case. Lance’s family always express their support, telling him that if he can’t talk to them then he should talk to a professional. He never liked the idea of talking about his feelings, the dark and cruel feelings he hold for himself, so he tells them that he’ll be fine.

And just like that, Lance relied on his pills heavily. Despite the wave of concerns that rolls off his family, Lance found it easier to take another pill than asking for help.

And it worked.

Everyday when feels down, everytime he feels a dark cloud in his thoughts, he pops a pill in his mouth and hope it's enough. Sometimes he’s able to breath easily, ignoring the questionable looks from his team for suddenly excusing himself. Sometime it’s not enough but he pretends it’s enough and ignores the aching as he plaster a smile on. 

Fake it till you make it, right?

But just because you pretend a glass vase isn’t crack or chipped, it doesn’t mean it’s find. It’s just going to serve more cracked, ending with it being broken beyond repair. Unless someone finally takes the time to repair the vase, taking a moment to fix it before it’s too late.

But that wasn’t the case.

At every jab from his team adds more fuel to Lance’s thoughts, serving as evidence on why he’s a failure of a human being. While Lance suffer silently, he has to force himself to not freeze from the teasing and the joking nature. He has to force himself to wear the big fake smile, force himself to pretend it doesn’t kill him. 

And it’s okay because Lance knows he has to be okay. Out of everyone, he doesn’t deserve to be the one to be asking for help. Not when he’s the most useless and lassy, not when the others have so much on their plate and still holding strong. They’re better off without him shoving more problems on them, better off if he could stop being a burden all the time.

“Lance?”

Upon his name being spoken, he looked up from his plate of food good and focus on his best friend. He’s glad that he broken from his train of thoughts, it was getting too out of hand.

“You okay, buddy?” And at the question, Lance felt himself slip into a frown as his skin prick at the unwanted attention. He doesn't like it when he finds himself in the spotlight when he just got out of a bad track of thoughts.

How exactly does he say ‘stop looking at me as I slowly die inside’ as a joke and yet have it effective?

But instead of excusing himself away the table and away the watchful stares, Lance gave Hunk a grin. “Yeah, I was just thinking about those enchiladas my mom use to make.”

“Oh god,” Hunk groaned, closing his eyes for the dramatic effect before opening them to stare at Lance. “I would kill to try them again.”

Lance only nodded in agreement before Hunk shifted his attention to Pidge, talking about the latest software Pidge was trying to create. 

__________-

 

They all stared in horror, face paling at each second of witnessing the blood and friend-family-on the floor.

When Lance didn’t come to breakfast, everyone thought he simply too caught up with his beauty routine or maybe even overslept. Aware of how Lance seem more tire as days passed, they thought the Cuban boy alone would help. 

When dinner rolled around, they question Lance’s absent and concern suddenly creep in their minds.Shiro basically had to calm down the three before they all walk to Lance’s room, saying that Lance must felt extremely tired today or simply needed a day to recharge. 

Allura thought this was a great time to bring up any concern of supporting the blue paladin, admitting she has been feeling a heavy tension between the lions and finally conclude it’s most likely from Lance.

When the door for Lance’s room didn’t open to the opening, no answer heard from the other side of the door, panic began to settle to their stomach. Coran punched in the override code, each press of the button making everyone more queasy.

And that’s how everything came to be, how they found Lance’s face pale yet relaxed enough as if he was simply sleeping. They wished that was the case. But the empty orange plastic bottle on the floor and the bloody knife next to him tells them another story.

So many questions came, so many ‘what if’s, and much grief. 

Lance McClain, a man who holds many fears, is dead because of his fear of asking for help. 

Lance learned to be okay with taking pills, learned that faking is better than asking for help. And it worked.

But then, as he ran of pills and the fear held him captive, it didn’t worked.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm somewhat trying this style of writing, it's weird and stiff but hey-maybe it'll work one day. Practice makes perfect, right?


End file.
